


you are the music in me

by whattakiddo



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, College parties are wild man, Dancing, Drinking, Fluff and Angst, How Do I Tag, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Slow Burn, a lil songfic, allura's a mean hoe, but rolo is more of a stoner, but she gets better, hunk is too, keith's a bit of a stoner, klance is also good, my life is a mess, pidge is done with ur shit, ra matt, shatt endgame, well the shatt is slowburn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-21
Updated: 2018-02-24
Packaged: 2018-12-18 00:59:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11863344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whattakiddo/pseuds/whattakiddo
Summary: college may seem like a whirlwind of parties and exams, new relationships and breakups. but when a terrible accident occurs, the routine is rewritten again and again.





	1. the sound of your laugh and your voice on the phone

**Author's Note:**

> 2/24/17: the first two chapters were written a long ass time ago and my style has gotten a little less shit i think? just give it three chapters please thank. there are little trigger warnings before each chapter, so stay safe my dudes. also, there will eventually be a playlist somewhere where you can check out all these TUNES!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hey!! bonus points to anyone who can guess the song this chapter was inspired by and named after! this chapter contains mentions of weed and alcohol use so if that's not your thing, now ya know. enjoy!

Keith was desperately, hopelessly lost. This, he was going to say to Allura, is why he never likes parties. He’d seen Allura, flourishing with a red Solo cup in her hand, moving to the music. Keith just got much, much too stoned and then decided to leave. But now, he was too far to go back, but the walk back to his apartment seemed like it would be another ten years. In addition, he’d indulged in maybe more than a few red solo cups himself. He sat down, letting the breeze wash over his face. His shirt fluttered, loose over his skeleton as he pulled out his phone. He flipped through his contacts, hesitating over a name.  
Lance McClain stared up from his profile picture. Keith didn’t think the picture did him any justice—the blue of his eyes was much too dull, and his skin didn’t hold it’s usual luster. As Keith listened to the dial tone, he debated telling Lance these things.  
“Hey” Lance said, and Keith knew immediately that he wouldn’t be able to say much at all.  
“H-hey” Keith stuttered. “I’m, uh, I’m really fucking lost.”  
“Keith?” Lance asked, and Keith could hear the giggle in his voice. “Are you, Keith are you fucking high?”  
“Yeah” Keith smiled lazily. “I am fucking high”  
Lance let out a peal of laughter, and it relaxed the tension Keith didn’t even know he was holding in his shoulders. “Kogane, I can not believe you. We have class tomorrow! It’s a  
Tuesday!”  
Keith rolled his eyes. “Allura has this thing about partying on Tuesdays. She talked me into it”  
“Seriously?” Lance chuckled. “She’s like, perfect”  
And there it was. The gut punch Keith knew was coming. Lance, ever the straight guy. If it had boobs and breathed, Lance hit on it. He pushed that aside—why worry now?  
“Anyways” Keith said, after a little silence. “Can you come pick me up?”  
“Pidge already has your location. I’ll be there in a minute” Lance said.  
Keith lay down on the sidewalk. The sky moved, stars forming lions and swords and his mother’s face.  
“Keith?” Keith heard. He sat up to meet Lance’s eyes.  
“Shit man, you look high” Lance chuckled.  
“I am” Keith smiled, blearily. “Help me?”  
Lance grabbed Keith’s hand to help him up, and the warmth of Lance’s fingers spread down Keith’s arm and to his heart. Keith held onto Lance the whole way to the car, very intent on not falling over.

\-------

“Easy does it” Lance murmured, settling Keith into the passenger seat. He bucked the seat belt, because Keith looked like he had no intentions of doing it himself. By the time he’d settled into the driver’s seat, Keith’s head was rested against the window and he was quietly snoring.  
Lance grinned again, starting up the car. He drove in silence all of two blocks to Keith’s apartment.  
“Hey, buddy, time to go” He said, gently prodding Keith’s shoulder. The other boy didn’t move. Lance sighed, opening his door. He walked around to Keith’s door, opening it and unbuckling the other boy. Then, he lifted him, bridal-style. Keith’s head rested against Lance’s chest, and Lance inhaled the musky, strangely floral scent of Keith’s hair. He walked to Keith’s apartment like this, Keith curled against his chest.  
Keith’s front door swung open before Lance made it there, and his brother peered his head around the corner.  
“Oh thank god” Shiro said, stepping forward to look at Keith. “Thank you for bringing him home”  
“No problem” Lance grinned. Shiro, with his muscular physique and kindly features, might be the most beautiful person Lance had ever seen. Of course, he’s way out of his league, which Lance contemplated as he carried Keith inside and set him down on the couch. Shiro followed them in, treading nervously behind Lance. Keith mumbled something as Lance dropped him on the couch, but Lance couldn’t make it out. Keith’s hair fell across his face, floating at the slight puff of air from between his lips.  
“Lance?” Shiro said, and Lance tore his vision from Keith.  
“Yeah?” Lance responded, straightening up.  
“Were you actually at that party?”  
“Nope” Lance blushed, suddenly. He’s not the roommate or the brother or the best friend. Why would Keith call him?  
“He could’ve just called me” Shiro mused, tilting his head to shoot Lance a quizzical look.  
“It’s no big deal” Lance shrugged. “I needed to get out of the dorms anyways. Studying”  
Shiro nodded, sympathetically. The room filled with an uncomfortable silence, but Lance didn’t really want to leave just yet.  
Shiro cleared his throat, and Lance nearly jumped. “Guess I’ll be going” he squeaked.  
“Thanks for taking care of Keith, again” Shiro said as he walked Lance to the door. “I’ll make sure he knows”  
Lance walked back to his car a little bouncier. Keith had picked him to drunk-dial for a ride home. Perhaps this would be something to celebrate, when he got back to his dorm.

\-------

Keith woke up the next morning with a pounding headache—maybe he had gotten more than a little drunk, in addition to astronomic levels of high. He could barely remember anything, except the image of Lance and Shiro, standing almost over him. It looked like Shiro was asking Lance something, but Keith couldn’t remember what it was.  
Keith winced sitting up, realizing he was laying in his bed still wearing yesterday’s clothes. He took his time getting out of bed, slowly standing up and making his way to the bathroom. Shiro was nowhere to be seen—probably already at the gym. Keith refused to look at the circles under his eyes or the grease in his hair, instead focusing on removing his clothes while moving himself around a minimal amount. But his reflection demanded his attention, so he gave in for a minute. His frame was too skinny, the result of ridiculously high metabolism and a too-low budget to satisfy said metabolism. He wished he was a little taller, and a little more muscular. Okay, maybe a little more like Shiro.  
He pushed that thought out of his head as he reached into the shower, turning it on lukewarm. The water pressure was abysmal, but once under the water Keith felt a little less terrible. Washing away the sweat and dirt of yesterday, his mind wandered back to Lance. He didn’t remember Lance at the party, but he was almost certainly the one who gave him a ride home. Keith cursed his un-sober brain—Lance had so many flings, Keith couldn’t keep them straight. Unfortunately, Keith couldn’t keep himself straight either, especially around Lance.  
Keith got out of the shower, toweling himself off. He pounded back a few Advil, and threw on his gym shorts. He walked out of the bathroom, greeted by an AC/DC album on much too loud.  
“Morning, kiddo” Shiro hollered over the chorus, and Keith was reminded of how much his head hurt.  
“I’m hungover as shit” Keith said, knowing Shiro was already fully aware of that fact. Shiro grinned, reinforcing this notion as he turned the music down.  
“So, have a good time with Lance last night?” Shiro said, looking at Keith with a lopsided grin. Keith’s eyes grew wide as he considered—he didn’t remember much from last night. Could that mean he and Lance had—oh god. He could’ve kissed Lance without even knowing it!  
But Shiro’s laughter at Keith’s panicked face calmed him down. “You didn’t do anything, except maybe drool on him while he was carrying you from the car to the apartment”  
Keith felt his face go hot as he buried his head in his hands. “I can’t believe I got that crossfaded, and then I called Lance”  
Shiro just shrugged, grinning. 

 

12:23 pm  
SHIRHOE is online  
MATTYBEESRDYING: did they do it yet  
SHIRHOE: no but lance is..so gone  
HUNNY: we told uuu  
PIDGEOT: ohh my god he hasn’t stopped staring out the window  
MATTYBEESRDYING: were living in a romcom  
PIDGEOT: omggg  
HUNNY: can we do something  
HUNNY: anything  
SHIRHOE: just let them go, they’ll get it together themselves  
PIDGEOT: have u seen lance?  
PIDGEOT: answer: no, you haven’t  
PIDGEOT: he doesn’t want to text keith bc hes unsure of the emoji protocol  
HUNNY: what a gd mess  
SHIRHOE: srsly, just let them do their thing. It’ll be ok.  
PIDGEOT: no but ok  
HUNNY: ok can we talk abt allura?  
SHIRHOE: uhh no we cannot  
HUNNY: oh man  
HUNNY: sorry shiro  
SHIRHOE: it’s ok hunk

PIDGEOT: I’ll fight her  
SHIRHOE: pls don’t  
SHIRHOE has logged off  
PIDGEOT: what did she even do to him?  
MATTYBEESRDYING: she moved on :/  
HUNNY: I feel rlly bad now ahh  
MATTYBEESRDYING: it’s ok, u didn’t mean any harm  
MATTYBEESRDYING: I’ll talk to him


	2. you got a lift between the pitfalls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shatt!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! super duper sorry about how long it's been. there's a whole explanation at the end for anyone who wants it. anyways, the song from last chapter was Skeleton by the front bottoms. I'm going to get some sort of music account and make a playlist with all of these songs on it, but in the meantime I highly recommend you go check them out yourself. Okay, enjoy the chapter!

Shiro stared at the ceiling.

Matt was a good sport, he thought. Matt had barely questioned Shiro’s existence in his room, just going about his business. He was sitting at the desk now, probably studying. This was their usual since—well, since Allura dumped Shiro.  
The problem was that she wasn’t really gone. She was still getting coffee every morning, she still lived down the hall, she still talked to him while she was waiting for Keith to get ready so they could go out. Shiro had told Matt about that last night in a spur of honesty in the library. Matt had suggested avoiding her until it didn’t hurt so much.  
“I think it’s always going to hurt” Shiro vocalized, the first thing he’d said in nearly an hour of being in Matt’s room with him. Matt sighed, closing a textbook.  
“You can’t just expect it to all get better immediately” Matt said.  
“I don’t want it to all get better”  
“Shiro, you were dating for five years and it’s been three weeks. It’s okay that you’re not okay today. Honestly, I’d be worried if you were”  
Shiro sighed. “It’s just, I don’t know. She’s everything, still? And it’s just hard to get around her being gone. And that’s even harder because she’s not gone, because I see her almost every day”  
Shiro was still staring at the ceiling. He wondered briefly who Matt told about the crack in his ceiling, being the RA. But he was cut off by Matt’s face eclipsing his view.  
“You look like shit” Matt professed.  
“Eloquent, Mr. Journalism Minor”  
Matt rolled his eyes. “Don’t tell me I’m wrong”  
“Why would I do that?” Shiro cracked a smile. “I saw myself this morning”  
Matt smirked and started to say something, but he was cut off by a massive crash from the hallway.  
“What the shit” Matt whispered, almost slipping as he ran out the door. Shiro sighed, returning to contemplation of the ceiling crack.

\-------

Matt had, naturally, forgotten to put shoes or socks on. That was the only thought he could pull up as he neared the scene of the commotion. To be fair, it was a relevant issue, as the crash must’ve come from the ice now spilled across the floor. With this much ice, Matt guessed, these kids couldn’t be planning anything but freezing a corpse. And once he spotted the perpetrator, Matt was barely even surprised.  
“Lotor, what are you doing?”  
Lotor smirked, flipping long platinum hair over his shoulder. “Nothing against the rules, Matt”  
“Disturbing the peace, along with unreasonable hoarding of resources and creating a hazard for other’s safety”  
“What, poor baby’s gonna get hypothermia?” one of Lotor’s cronies chuckled. Matt could never keep their names straight.  
“You’ll all need to clean this up, so I can start the report”  
“Puh-lease” Lotor rolled his eyes. “Even if you ever actually reported us, it’s not like Zarkon would actually kick us out”  
“We can do it” one of Lotor’s friends, a smaller girl with an edgy haircut volunteered.  
“You should probably go put some shoes on” a taller girl snickered.  
“I’ll get right on that” Matt sighed.

\-------

Shiro heard the door open, then felt the mattress dip with what had to be Matt’s weight.  
“They never stop” Matt sighed. Shiro didn’t say anything, but he knew Matt knew he was listening. “They expect the whole world to give them something. And it does, which is the worst part. Lotor’s still suckling his silver spoon”  
The bed shifted at a crash outside the window. Shiro sat up to finally look at his best friend. Matt was slumped against the wall, hands over his face. “Twenty minutes. My shift’s over in twenty minutes.”  
“That sounded like it was outside of your jurisdiction”  
Matt looked up at Shiro.“Was that a funny? Sgt. Pepper watch out, you may be losing your best member!”  
Shiro chuckled. “I’m not over it yet. But hey, you should come hang tonight. We can get pizza, watch Netflix, legally get a little tipsy”  
“Oh my god, Takashi Shirogane is the best person on the planet” Matt declared to the crack in his ceiling.

\-------

Matt was focused on the TV, which was playing some b-rate horror movie. But Matt was so involved in the story that there was no questionably-stained couch, no beer bottles on the floor, no Shiro next to him. He was in that shed, gardening tools becoming more menacing than he’d ever expected them to be. The couple in there with him started to make out. He wanted to avert his eyes, but he was on too high alert. Still, when the murderer jumped in, chainsaw roaring, Matt jumped with a cat-like squeal.  
“What the fuck?” Shiro mumbled.  
Matt reached out for the remote to pause the movie before turning to Shiro. “How did you fall asleep during that? It was goddamn riveting.”  
“You’re a massive nerd, Matthew Holt”  
“Thanks” Matt grinned.  
“Mmm”  
“Hey, it’s kinda cold in here”  
“Landlord won’t turn on the heat until the first freeze”  
“I think that’s happening right now”  
“Too bad for us” Shiro said, still looking halfway between drunk and asleep. “C’mere, we can conserve warmth”  
Matt scooted towards Shiro, piling their blankets. Shiro smirked.  
“Hi, I’m Matt Holt and I’m too small to keep myself warm” he said in an insultingly high voice.  
“Hi, I’m Takashi Shirogane and I’m too petty to deal with a little gay cuddling”  
“Fight me, Mathematics”  
“Actually, with your boobs this is probably the straightest thing I’ve ever done”  
“Didn’t you kiss Dahlia in third grade?”  
“Dahlia’s name is Mike now. So, still”  
“Fine” Shiro sighed. “I’m still the hottest thing you’ve ever done”  
“First off, you’re drunk. And secondly, don’t you remember Alex? Junior year? The transfer student who could sing like an angel?”  
“Okay, okay” Shiro said. “If I say you win, can I go back to sleep and you go back to your shitty movie?”  
“Sure. Just know that you are missing out on the thrilling story of Brad and Jessica and their inevitable deaths”  
“Ohh, what a bummer”  
Matt grinned, turning back to the TV. The rest of the movie was just as shitty as the beginning. Jessica, somehow, lost her shirt but managed to kill the chainsaw murderer. Which made her a murderer murderer, which Matt would be sure to discuss the ethics of with Shiro in the morning. Brad, however, got sliced to pieces. Bummer. He was kinda cute.  
Matt powered down the TV. He pondered leaving for a few minutes—he did have class tomorrow, but not until like two. And Shiro was radiating heat, and there was really no reason to go home so Matt just let his eyes close.  
But he couldn’t sleep yet, no, not even alcohol could keep Matt Holt from running his worry train the full course before falling asleep. And tonight’s topic was none other than the very source of warmth tempting him to sleep. It was just a little confusing, since Shiro and Allura broke up. Matt supposed that without his usual cuddle buddy, Shiro was just longing for physical affection. And, Matt reasoned, that was perfectly normal for two bros. Sitting on a couch, zero feet apart, even if they are a little gay. Nothing to see here, folks.

4:27 am  
CHEITHKEITH sent an image  
CHEITHKEITH: theyre beign gay again  
PIDGEOT: u too bitch  
PIDGEOT: also learn how to spell  
CHEITHKEITH: nofcuk uoy  
PIDGEOT: I love you but sometimes I wonder what it would be like to wear a mask of your skin  
CHEITHKEITH: youd be such a terrible serial killer t b h  
PIDGEOT: oh please  
PIDGEOT: at least I wouldn’t leave black mullet bits all over  
CHEITHKEITH: ur a rat  
PIDGEOT: ya but you love me  
CHEITHKEITH: go the fuck to sleep, gremlin  
PIDGEOT: wait why are you even up?  
PIDGEOT: I swear to all that is good if you got up to smoke at 4:20  
CHEITHKEITH: haha my lifes not that down the drain yet  
CHEITHKEITH: the landlord hasnt turned on the heat yet an im rlly cold  
CHEITHKEITH: but ur brother nad shiro are hogging all of the blankets  
PIDGEOT sent an image  
PIDGEOT: you wish you were me  
PIDGEOT: lance’s mama made me a blanket  
PIDGEOT: she’d make you one  
CHEITHKEITH: criiiiiiiii  
CHEITHKEITH: if only lance would make me his boyfriend  
PIDGEOT took a screenshot  
CHEITHKEITH: FUCK PIDGE I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE I WILL COME OVER AND KILL YOU  
PIDGEOT has logged off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright alright alright. So, I hear nobody asking, why did this chapter take so long? I had planned for this chapter to be very much about Shiro dealing with Allura dumping him. What I did not anticipate, however, was that about a day into writing this I myself got dumped. It hurt then and it hurts now, but less. My relationship wasn't nearly as illustrious as Shiro and Allura's, but I also had no Matt, no friend to lean on. Or to lean on me, I guess. It's been a while, and I've been processing, so a lot of the things Shiro says about Allura are things I've felt about someone, and Matt is kinda the person I wish I had. I guess you're supposed to write what you know. Maybe next I should do "Pidge applies to college" (kidding!). But that is what I'm doing now and will likely take up a lot of my time. But I do aim to come back with this, maybe aim for a biweekly upload schedule? also, who else is HYPE AS H*CK for season four? that's all I have to say today, stay safe!
> 
> ps I have a love-hate relationship with Keith's typos  
> pps Hunk and Pidge will physically appear soon!


	3. though i try to resist i still want it all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just a classy little soiree with a healthy helping of the devil's lettuce and a side of unpleasant ex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> check the notes at the end for some chatty stuff if u want! this chapter contains mentions of weed and alcohol use, so if that's not your thing I'd skip it. the last chapter's song was "it's hard to get around the wind" by Alex Turner, anyone who guesses this song gets official Bonus Points which you can exchange for a currency so worthless it literally doesn't have a name. and in case you haven't lately, grab some water or tea or juice or something to drink while you read because we love a hydrated queen. enjoy!

“Jesus, guys, do you ever clean this room?” Pidge yelled from the bathroom. Lance let out a melodramatic sigh, rolling his eyes towards Hunk.

“My skin is very high maintenance, Pidge, so our room gets fucked up often”

“Not as often as Lance does” Hunk snorted. Lance scoffed in mock offense, and threw a pillow at Hunk.  
To be fair, he was pretty sure it was Hunk’s pillow. 

“At least I’m a nice drunk” Lance said. “Pidge will kill a bitch if she’s had any vodka”

“Lance, I’d kill a bitch sober” Pidge smirked, peeking around the door to the bathroom, exposing her hair’s half frizzy, half straightened state. “And I don’t even like vodka”

“Nobody likes vodka” Hunk said, looking up from his laptop. “Vodka is drunk to survive”

“Keith likes vodka” Lance said.

“Ooooooooh!” Pidge said, sticking her head out again. “How do you even know that?”

“He’d been drinking it Tuesday”

“Lance, just accept it. Keith doesn’t like vodka. Keith was drinking to survive”

Lance grinned at Hunk. After he had driven Keith home Tuesday, he had come back to the dorm at the exact same time as Hunk, and hadn’t even been able to make it the whole elevator ride up before mentioning Keith. Hunk, thankfully, was very supportive of Lance’s crush.

Pidge, unfortunately, was not so much.

“So when you guys get married and I have my best man toast, don’t worry, Hunk, you can have one too, I’m going to just make you take a shot of vodka and hope you don’t barf it up like you did last time we went out”

“Note to self: don’t tell Pidge about any social events” Lance said, much too loud to really be for himself.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you have a good hangover, though” Hunk pointed out. “I mean, regardless of how nice of a drunk you are, the morning after isn’t pretty”

“Hey, I could be waking up the morning after in a hairy stranger’s bed with various fluids all over me.”

“Instead, you wake up in your hairy best friend’s bed with various foodstuffs all over you” Hunk pointed out, raising his eyebrows.

“That was one time!” Lance protested. “And you had gotten home even later than me!”

“Now, children” Pidge chastised from the bathroom. “I have to focus, so please tend to less interesting topics”

“Impossible” Hunk muttered, but Lance wasn’t really sure whether it was at Pidge’s request or Pidge herself.

Lance flopped back onto his bed, staring at the ceiling. No matter how often he went to parties, no matter how many people he met or social situations he succeeded in, they always made him a little nervous. Like, what if nobody liked him? What if he made a joke that nobody thought was funny? What if, what if, what if

“Lance?” Pidge interrupted. “We’re leaving”

“Sure thing” Lance said, sitting up slowly. “Right behind you”

He grabbed his deodorant, spraying it on himself and taking a moment to inhale the scent of artificial aerosol.

“Lance, hurry the hell up!” Pidge called out. 

“I am” Lance said, walking out of his room.

 

“So at what point am I officially your gay best friend?” Keith asked, hanging upside-down from Allura’s bed.

“Well, you’re my best friend, and you’re gay” Allura shrugged. “So I mean, right now. Plus, you’ve seen me naked on several occasions and have never made out with me, so that gives you bonus points”

“But like, we don’t go shopping” Keith said absently. He and Allura had pregamed a little bit, and he might have been a little spacey.

“Do you want to go shopping?” Allura said.

“I hate shopping” Keith mumbled.

“Then we won’t go shopping” Allura said, pulling on her top. “Is this too slutty?”

“I think it’s the perfect amount of slutty” Keith said, without even taking a look at Allura. She was going to wear what she wanted, so who was he to try actually giving advice? Plus, he wasn’t a very good gay best friend in the GBF sort of way. He knew absolutely nothing about fashion, excepting the murder of Versace, which he had researched for a few months. 

“Come over here so I can get a picture for my snapchat” Allura demanded, and Keith complied, rolling off of the bed. He stood next to Allura and stuck out his tongue as she kissed his cheek, where she had drawn on tiny stars with a white pencil that barely even stood out against Keith’s skin. He was also wearing a pale yellow hoodie that was much too large for him and a pair of black jeans with holes at the knees, both contributions to his wardrobe from Allura. Allura walked away, grabbing her bag as she typed out a caption. Keith followed, only stopping to put on some of Allura’s deodorant, which was actually his because she never used it and he always did. Maybe it was weird that he was so dependent on Allura for his cosmetics, but he didn’t mind smelling flowery.

“So I think I’m going to make a move on Rolo if he doesn’t come for me first” Allura said, flipping her hair behind her shoulder. Keith smirked at the guy’s name, because really, being nicknamed after Red Solo cups was just too good, especially for Rolo. 

But it was a little uncomfortable, because Keith thought of Shiro, who was probably at home moping with Matt. Shiro who had come home a few weeks ago at three am, silent tears running down his face. He told himself that Allura just missed her relationship with him and this was how she was dealing with it, but something in him knew that nothing about her had really changed. Except for the part that loved Shiro.

They walked in nonetheless companionable silence to the frat house, only a few blocks. Keith sighed, hoping he wasn’t about to make another dumb decision and call Lance. To prevent this, he took a shot of something blue as soon as he walked in the door.

“Keeeeeith” one of the frat guys said, slamming Keith on the back.

“Hey, man, good to see you, Ulaz” Keith said, giving the guy a feeble pat on the arm. “What’s been going on?”

But Ulaz had already turned away, so Keith delved deeper into the house in search of something he couldn’t quite put his finger on. He found a copious amount of weed and decided that that would have to do for now.

It was a little later when Keith’s brain started forming memories again. He was sitting on a couch next to yet another frat guy as well as some poor girl obviously salivating over the frat guy in front of them, who was literally in the process of making out with another girl. 

Cutting through his high haze, Keith caught a clear peal of laughter, followed by a hearty guffaw and a sarcastic chuckle. Keith’s head whipped around on its own accord to find Lance standing in the doorway, talking to a couple people standing outside the door. Maybe it’s the unknown amount of substances swirling around in Keith’s system, but his vision seems to blur until the only thing he can see is Lance. Lance hasn’t noticed him yet. That’s probably a good thing? That’s definitely a good thing. The girl next to him is trying to talk to him. Keith needs some air. He stands up too fast, and manages to elbow Lance on the way out, but he doesn’t wait for a response.

Once Keith gets outside, he takes a massive breath, as if he’d been holding his breath since he’d seen Lance. He let the night wash over him, cold air reminding him of how alive he really is. Maybe he should go back inside, find Allura, check on her. Instead, he sits, rather clumsily, on the grass. He didn’t quite remember how he got to where he is, but he’s far enough from the party that all he can hear is a faint thudding of bass. It’s quiet, and the grass is soft, and maybe this would be a good time for a nap.

 

The bass was loud enough to tear Lance’s eardrums, but he wasn’t particularly worried. If he could live through Hunk’s snoring, he could live through this. Lance surveyed the house, which was practically spilling over with moderately to severely trashed college students, forming a pulsing mass almost like the anthill Lance had found the other day. They were moving in some semblance of time with the music, and Lance let his face relax into a grin before turning back to his friends. Pidge and Hunk were (naturally) animatedly arguing about Drag Race again, and Pidge made some comparison to her bald aerospace teacher that had Lance laughing like an idiot. Before he could even recover, he received a sharp elbow in the side, and he barely caught sight of the elbow’s owner, retreating with a mullet Lance couldn’t possibly not recognize.

“Keith’s here!” Lance whispered to Hunk and Pidge, except it was really more of a yell so he could actually be heard. Pidge just rolled her eyes. 

“Don’t he and Allura go out, like every night?” Pidge said, popping her gum. Lance’s heart started to deflate even before Hunk elbowed him.

“Not like that” the big guy said, nodding over Lance’s shoulder. He caught an eyeful of a silver head of hair before realizing the hair was attached to Allura’s face, which was attached to some tall stoner-looking guy. 

“Damn” Pidge muttered. “Feelsbadman.” Lance stuck his tongue out at Pidge, but in reality, he completely agreed. Every time he saw Shiro it looked like the poor guy was at a funeral, and he didn’t blame him. Allura was a loss to mourn.

“So anyways” Pidge said, wiggling her eyebrows at Lance, “You should go find Keith”

Lance shrugged. Of course he wanted to find Keith, say hi, pretend he was cool. But it wasn’t like he was actually going to. Lance had decided rather harshly that he wasn’t going to look for Keith at all, that he was instead going to focus on having a good time, and if Keith managed to become a part of that, that was excellent, but it wasn’t going to be at Lance’s hand.

“Well” Hunk said, sticking his hands in his pockets. “I’m going to go find the kitchen. Call me when you’re ready to go home”

“Later, Hunk” Lance smiled as Pidge saluted. Divide and conquer was usually their strategy at parties, because Lance loved his friends, but nobody wants to hang out with the same two people all the time. Pidge elbowed Lance to get his attention.

“I’m going to go get mildly trashed and then wreck some losers at Mario Kart” Pidge said casually. “For sure” Lance nodded. Pidge walked away with purpose in her step, and Lance smiled as he watched her go. He’d probably find Pidge later screaming at someone for attempting to blue-shell her despite it not mattering because she was so far ahead. World-class Mario Kart players get funny like that, apparently.

Lance headed into the fray, making his way towards the music, which was loud and electronic and vaguely familiar. Someone handed him a red solo cup full of beer, so Lance sipped on it as he tried to find someone cool to hang out with. He found the source of the music eventually—one of the frat guys was DJing, and he was surrounded by a handful of people dancing half-assedly. 

“Lance!” called out a guy from his Econ class. “Bringing the party, man!”

“Hell yeah” Lance grinned, shouting a bit over the music. He joined the dancing—the DJ was surprisingly good for being a frat boy rando. He laughed as the girl in front of him started a strange, robot-like dance, and he joined in. Soon there was a considerable contingent of the room dancing with little jerky movements and animated faces. Lance couldn’t stop laughing as the girl who had started the dance got progressively more into it.

Suddenly, Lance felt breath on his ear, with the scent of oranges barely hiding that of cigarette smoke.  
“Hey babe” whispered a familiar voice. Lance whipped around to meet a pair of almond eyes ringed in dark makeup smirking at him.

“Hi, Nyma” Lance grinned weakly. The robot girl roboted away, leaving Lance a little more stranded than he would’ve liked. Nyma seemed much closer than she needed to be, and Lance could practically feel her orange perfume snaking into his pores. 

“So, how’s life?” Nyma said, with that just-Nyma drawl that somehow told you she didn’t care at all.

“Uh, it’s good” Lance said. He could practically feel his pulse twitching in his neck, and there was a timer running semi-subconsciously to keep him breathing at an appropriate tempo. Nyma was leaning in even closer. Lance could see her freckles, even in the mediocre lighting of a party house.

“Wanna get out of here?” she smiled. Four different alarms started ringing in Lance’s mind immediately, and every nerve in his body was itching to tap into the flight part of fight or fight. So he gave in.

“I actually have to go meet Pidge” Lance said before turning on his heel and walking away. He doesn’t let himself think again until he’s outside the house, which is suspiciously quiet.

Lance leaned against the side of the house and let himself slide down to sitting, taking in a shuddering, deep breath. He smelled like her. He smelled like cigarettes and oranges and he was alone.

He smelled like cigarettes and oranges and he was excited to see his girlfriend because it was their one year anniversary and she had promised something special and she walked into the restaurant with a devious smile on her face and when they walked out she had the same smile when she kissed him and when she told him that she had someone she wanted him to meet and she had the same look when they got to her place and a guy Lance had never seen was waiting in her room and when she told Lance she’d been seeing the guy for two years and Lance had to leave and he was alone and he was outside and he smelled like cigarettes and oranges and his breathing was accelerating and his mind was spinning and he smelled like cigarettes—

“Hey, man”

Lance looked up to find he wasn’t alone.

“Hi” he whispered as Keith sat down in the dirt in front of him.

 

Keith’s hands wormed into the grass to knot himself onto earth because he didn’t want to float away. Not now, because Lance obviously didn’t want to be alone, and Keith thought maybe he could do a pretty good job of keeping him company. Except he didn’t know what to say. Lance’s eyes were puffy, but he wasn’t hyperventilating any more, just staring intently at Keith’s hands. Keith opened his mouth, not sure what he was going to say, but Lance interrupted him.

“You don’t have to sit with me, man. Go enjoy this shit if you want” Lance’s eyes were still firmly fixed on Keith’s hands. 

“I wasn’t having a great time in there” Keith shrugged. “Besides, I think you’re better company”

“I wish people would change” Lance said, looking up at Keith for the first time since Keith had sat down. Lance’s eyes were bluer than he had expected, holding starlight but spilling over with a few tears that rolled down Lance’s sharp face.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Keith asked quietly, but he saw Shiro holding the framed picture of him and Allura going to prom and realized he knew exactly what Lance was talking about.

“Right now, honestly, not at all” Lance sighed. “I’m not, I don’t know, not in a good headspace for processing right now. But thanks”

Keith nodded slowly. He took a deep breath, smelling something he vaguely remembered from early in the week. Something spicy and sweet at the same time. Lance’s cologne?

“You know you can always talk to me” Keith said softly. “I know we didn’t exactly get along in the past but I, uh, I think we could really be a good team, you know?”

“Thanks” Lance smiled, wiping the tears from his eyes. “I’m sorry”

“Do you want to go for a walk?” Keith said, and after saying it Keith realized it was the best idea he’d ever have. Get away from the party, get some air, do something instead of ripping out the whole Beta Omicron Mu lawn. Lance seemed to agree, so Keith stood up and offered Lance his hand. Lance accepted the help up and before Keith was sure they were both on their feet Lance pulled him into a tight hug. Keith went a little limp against Lance’s frame, letting himself soak in Lance’s warmth a little.

Lance laughed as he pulled away. Keith smiled, shoving his hands deeply inside his pockets as they set off.

“Have you ever thought about what you would name your kids?” Lance asked after several moments of silence. Keith stopped in his tracks. Lance smiled at him.

“I don’t—no, I haven’t thought about that” Keith furrowed his eyebrows. “Have you?”

“My sister’s pregnant, so it’s kind of the only topic of conversation when I see my family.” Lance said. “My favorites for her kids are Rose and Xavier, and Lance I guess, but I think I would name my kid Eliza or Samuel.”

“I don’t get the whole naming your kids after yourself thing” Lance shrugged, not leaving enough space in the conversation for Keith to but in, but he didn’t mind. “It’s like, they’re their own person, and being a junior is just like, oh, you’re the less good version of the senior. You know?”

Lance kept babbling, but Keith tuned out a bit. He looked at Lance again and again, as often as he thought he could probably get away with. The ski slope of Lance’s nose begged to be kissed, and he had tiny freckles around his eyes, and there were three moles in an equilateral triangle under his ear, and Keith’s fingers itched so he shoved them further into his pockets. 

“Hey, wow, we made it back to campus” Lance said, jostling Keith a bit out of his reverie. Keith looked around to find that Lance was right—they were standing right in front of Lance’s dorm, as a matter of fact.

“Thanks for hanging out with me” Lance smiled. “I know you were probably having a good time, and I’m sorry for taking you out of it.

“Lance” Keith said, trying to speak as seriously as possible. “I promise to the moon that I had more fun with you tonight than I have at any of the parties I’ve been at in a month, at least.” And he had, surprisingly. For one, he was probably going to remember this, and if he didn’t he was going to beat himself up. And Lance’s rambling was soothing in a way Keith hadn’t expected. 

“Oh” Lance responded, blushing a little bit. Then for the second time that night he threw his arms around Keith, and for the second time that night Keith let his mind wander. He imagined becoming familiar with this embrace, falling asleep in it and untangling himself in the morning only to be caught again and pulled back into this comfortable warmth…

“Goodnight, Keith” Lance said, turning to leave. Keith took a deep breath. This was his last chance, he decided. He caught Lance’s sleeve and pulled on it so Lance looked back at him. He stepped closer. He reached out and caught the incredibly soft skin of Lance’s face in his hand, and Lance’s eyes fluttered shut and his head tilted to the side and Keith leaned in a little closer and Lance’s hand landed on his waist and Keith’s eyelashes grazed his face and their lips met and it was gentle and hesitant and Lance pulled away absolutely beaming and said goodnight again and went into his dorm and Keith was stuck there with nothing to say.

 

“God, why are you always right” Lance moaned. 

“It’s just who I am” Hunk shrugged. Lance winced as his head throbbed. He sipped gingerly at the blue Powerade Hunk had gotten him.

“Hangover or no hangover, Lance, I believe you owe me some details” Hunk said, the image of piety as he blinked at Lance. Lance thought he might be sick.

“Saw Nyma” Lance grumbled. Because even though Keith had been wonderful and had kissed him—KEITH HAD KISSED HIM—when he woke up the hangover had brought with it a hard dose of reality. 

“Oh, Lance, I’m so sorry” Hunk said, as if it was his fault. Lance knew that a glance acros the room would be met by eyes full of pity, so he chose to spare himself.

“Can we just talk later?” Lance said. 

“Yeah, no problem man” Hunk said. Lance nodded and slunk back into a horizontal position.

Keith was great. Honestly, Keith was better than great. He was beautiful and thoughtful and made Lance’s stomach fill with butterflies and Lance couldn’t risk that. Lance was a joker to think about Keith like he had last night, to think about a real future with Keith. He hardly even knew the guy! And he couldn’t risk that again, couldn’t take any chances, at least until his heart had figured out the knots Nyma had left him in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyyyyyy mans thanks for reading! ahahahaha thanks to the beta of mu for being the best premade frat I've ever seen. i've been reading a lot more Quality writing lately and that's def influenced my style, so can i get a uhhhhhh massive shoutout to [witty_name](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wittyy_name) bc their writing is very inspiring. i don't know when the next chapter update will be, but it will happen eventually. as a high school senior with some shitty mental health I don't find myself with a whole lot of free time, but I do aim to finish this story eventually.  
> stay safe, sleep well, and have a lovely day!


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